In Absence of You (FemShep x Garrus VakarianKaiden Alenko)
by Kidd Skull
Summary: Shepard had been worried about Kaiden since being resurrected by Cerberus, but what happens when they meet on Horizon and how does it effect her, on top of all the stress of having to save the universe a second time and being under the Illusive Man's thumb? At least someone is there to comfort her in her time of need. ME2 Story, FemShep x Garrus with some FemShep x Kaiden.


**I don't own Mass Effect, don't shoot me. This is a fluff/oneshot but I might make more chapters later if there is a large enough audience for it.**

 **Enjoy!**

 **Shepard's POV**

I was crouched behind a crate, reloading when I heard a male voice groan in pain. "KAIDEN!" I cried out, panicked, as I popped out from behind my hiding place, shooting the Blue Sun Merc in the head. I turned my attention to where the downed male was, only to find another Merc leveling his gun at his head. Instinctively, I shot out my hand, reaching for him, hoping to will him away. I felt my biotic abilities aid me, but something felt different. I felt tingling all over my body as the dark energy engulfed my body. Time slowed and I felt myself being lifted from the ground. Shortly after, I released the dark energy in the form of a blast wave that seemed to vaporize the Merc. I landed heavily on the ground, drained. After a moment, I recovered, looking up to find not Kaiden, but Jacob, staring at me, seemingly baffled.

"What was that? And what was all that about? Are you alright, Shepard?" He gets up, helping me up as well. "Uh, Thanks. I'm not really sure. Sorry." I look away briefly, concerned. The thought crossed my mind to speak to Kelly, the ship's councilor before Jack broke my concentration. "I've never seen any biotic attack like that. How'd you do it?" I shook my head. "I don't know." She made a face, but didn't press. "Oh, well. We'll worry about that later, I guess. Let's just blow this place." I agreed and we finished wiping the lab Jack grew up in off the map.

======================= -Back on the ship- ============================

"Commander, The Illusive Man would like to speak with you via the comm, and you have a new message." Kelly informed me. "Thank you." I told her in passing, headed to the comms room.

 _A short while later..._

I sat on the chair in front of my Private Terminal, letting the soft orchestral music fill the air around me. I look at the picture beside me on my table, the one of Kaiden. I frown a little and stand, feeling a bit restless. I walk over to my fish tank and feed the few betas I had managed to put in there. I almost smile as they nibble at the little flakes. I turn and walk over to my armor locker and make sure my gear is ready to go for when we get to Horizon. I try a slightly different color scheme than before; main color black, second color blood red, third color bright red, almost like the armor I had before... Before I lost the Normandy.

I frown and glance around, feeling out of place once again. I sigh and approve the gear, walking over and perching myself on the edge of my bed, putting my head in my hands. I eventually convince myself to get some sleep and my sleep ends up dreamless.

I wake and head down to the CIC, stepping up to view the galactic map. I check our progress and see that we are nearly to our destination. Apparently Joker's been up for quite some time. I sigh and head down to the mess hall, making myself a cup of coffee with extra cream and triple sugar, then I grab an extra cup for Joker, heading back to the CIC and up to the cockpit.

"Here, I thought you could use this." I say, waiting patiently as he turns. I hand him the mug and shift my weight to one foot. "Thanks, Commander. How'd you sleep?" I shrugged. He hummed at my response. "How are you and EDI getting along?" I ask. He pulls a face. "The original Normandy was just fine without the AI reminding me that the airlock is ajar." I chuckle a little at that, sipping my coffee. "Alright. Keep up the good work, and don't overwork yourself." I say. He nods, starting to turn his chair back. "Of course, Commander."

I head back over to the Galactic map and see that we are in orbit. "Alright, Jack and Garrus, you're with me. The professor has modified our armor already, so we're GTG. Suit up." I say over the comm lines as I head to suit up myself. Once we're all ready, we head planet side.

=================== -After the Collectors' retreat on Horizon- ====================

We watch as the ship leaves. "They got what they came for. Most of the colonists are still on board." Garrus comments. "NO!" We turn to find the Mechanic run out, staring up at the retreating ship. "Don't let them get away!" He yells. I keep my face void of emotion. "There was nothing we could do." He paces a bit in front of us. "Half the damn colony is in there! They took Egan and Sam and... And Lilith! Do something!" He shouts. "I didn't want it to end like this. We did what we could." I state. "More than most, Shepard." Garrus says, trying to comfort me. I shoot him a look before turning back to the Mechanic. "Wait. Shepard? I know that name. Yeah, I remember you. You're one of those big Alliance heroes."

Then I hear _his_ voice. "Commander Shepard, Captain of the Normandy. The first human Spectre. Savior of the Citadel." I watch as he strides out from behind a crate towards us in stunned silence. "You're in the presence of a legend, Delan. And a ghost." He looks to me at the last bit, but all I can do is stand still and silent, so many emotions raging on the inside, whilst none show outwardly.

The mechanic sneers. "All the good people we lost... And you get left behind. That figures. Screw this. I'm out of here." He says, waiving his hand dismissively and walking off. My attention goes back to Kaiden as he speaks. "I thought you where dead, Shepard. We all did." He stares at me for a moment before he embraces me and my stoic expression softens as I embrace him in return.

When we release each other, I finally find my voice. "It's good to see you. It's been too long, Kaiden. How have you been?" He shrugs his shoulders at me and already I can tell he's miffed. "That's all you have to say? You show up after two years and just act like nothing happened? I thought we had something, Alliah. Something Real. I... I loved you. Thinking you where dead tore me apart. How could you put me through all that? Why didn't you try to contact me? Why didn't you let me know you where alive?" I took my chance when he paused.

"It wasn't my choice! I spent the last two years in some kind of coma while Cerberus rebuilt me!" It felt weird, saying it that way, and I felt odd about the whole thing, but I didn't focus on that right then. "You're with Cerberus now?" He asked, almost accusingly, whilst taking a step backward. He cast a glance behind me, to my right, at the Turian accompanying me. "And Garrus, too? I can't believe the reports where right." He takes a few more steps back as I step toward him, feeling like my heart was being torn into a million pieces. I couldn't stand the look of betrayal on his face.

Garrus spoke up. "Reports? You mean you already knew?" Kaiden nodded slightly. "Alliance Intel thought Cerberus might be behind the missing human colonies. They got a tip that this colony might be next on the list. Anderson stonewalled me, but there where rumors that you weren't dead. That you where working for the enemy." "Cerberus isn't the enemy. Our colonies are disappearing. The Alliance turned it's back on them. Cerberus is the only group willing to do something about it." I defended.

"You can't really believe that! We both know what Cerberus is like! What they're capable of. I wanted to believe the rumors that you where alive, but I never expected this." He says, stepping closer. I shifted slightly under his angry gaze as he continued. "You turned your back on everything we believed in. You betrayed the Alliance. You've betrayed me." I frown, keeping my screaming heart to myself. "I'm no traitor! Kaiden, you know me! You know I'd only do this for the right reasons. You saw it yourself. The Collectors are targeting human colonies. And they're working with the Reapers!" I tried to reason with him.

"I want to believe you, Shepard. But I don't trust Cerberus. They could be using the threat of a Reaper to manipulate you." 'Why won't he listen to me!? Kaiden, please!' "What if they're behind this? What if they're working with the Collectors?" Garrus tries to intervene. "Damn it, Kaiden! You're so focused on Cerberus that you're ignoring the real threat!" I nod in agreement. "You're letting how you feel about their history get in the way of the facts." I wince, feeling like we're getting nowhere.

"Maybe. Or maybe you feel like you owe Cerberus because they saved you. Maybe you're the one who's not thinking straight. You've changed. But I still know where my loyalties lie. I'm an Alliance soldier. Always will be. I've got to report back to the Citadel. They can decide if they believe your story or not." I feel like my knees are weak, but I keep standing. I feel frantic and desperate, although I probably don't show it on the outside. "Kaiden, please. I could use someone like you in my crew. It'll be just like old times."

"No. It won't. I'll never work for Cerberus." His words hold so much finality that I can feel them sinking my heart, what's left of it, that is. "Goodbye, Shepard. And be careful." I feel my composure crack as tears sting at my eyes as he walks away. I take a slow, deep breath and radio the ship. "Joker... Send the shuttle to pick us up." I take a breath, willing myself to stay calm, at least until I'm in my quarters. "I've had enough of this colony." I add bitterly.

 **Garrus' POV**

I watched as Commander Shepard tried to reason with Alenko, realizing it was futile. I noticed her shoulders slump ever so slightly and her back seemed less straight. _'She slouched! She's never done that unless she's relaxed... This is bad...'_ Before I could speak up, she radioed Joker to come get us. I had intended on saying something once we where aboard the Normandy, after we'd gotten out of our gear, but by the time I was done, she had retreated into her quarters. "Thank you, Kelly." I said, having gleaned that the commander was being reclusive from her. _'Perhaps tomorrow, then.'_ I think to myself as I head down to the crew's quarters to get some sleep.

The next day was a no-go either, nor was the day after, seeing as Shepard had seemingly locked herself in her cabin without leaving for any reason. The third day in, I was fed up. I entered the elevator and selected the captain's quarters. EDI announced herself with a protest. "You are not allowed on the selected floor, Mr. Vakarian." I glanced up at the speaker. "Please, EDI. I want to try to assist with Commander Shepard. She can't stay hidden up there forever." I smiled slightly when the AI conceded. "Alright, however, any subsequent consequences lie on you." I nod. "So be it." I agreed as the elevator took me up.

When I arrived, I stepped out of the elevator an went to the door, only to find it locked from the inside. I could faintly hear some sort of classical music drifting through. I then heard EDI speak to her on the other side. "Commander, you have a visitor." I heard her muffled voice respond with "What? Who is it?" I spoke up. "Commander Shepard? It's Garrus. May I come in?" I paused for a moment and almost thought either she hadn't heard me or wouldn't let me in, when I heard the music stop.

A few seconds later, the door slid open to reveal her, her blonde hair slightly deshelved and purple bags under her blue eyes. I could still see the dry tears staining her cheeks and her eyes looked a bit puffy; she had definitely been crying. "Commander, I-" I was caught off guard by her hugging me suddenly. I frowned, concerned, and hugged her back. I heard her mumble something. "Sorry, commander, I... Didn't quite catch that." She released me, looking a bit embarrassed.

"I said your armor's not very soft." I chuckled, a bit surprised to see this side of her. "It's not supposed to be, Commander." She smiled weakly and I felt a little better. "Come on in, Garrus." She said formally, her back straight, but I noticed her shoulders where still slumped a bit, not as square and proud as she normally holds them. I follow her to where there are a few couches surrounding a small table.

We both sit down and she looks over at me. "So what brings you all the way up here? I'm the one who normally pays visits, not you. What's up?" She says, trying to sound normal, though, now that I'm paying attention, I can hear the hollowness in her words. "I was actually worried about you, Commander. It seems like you took what happened on Horizon quite hard." She shifted nervously, making a dismissive gesture. "Nah. I'm fine." I raise an eye crest. She stares at me for a moment then slumps down into the sofa more, staring at her hands. "It's hard. I let the Collectors take half or more of that colony-" I interrupted her. "With all due respect, that's not what I was referring to, though I feel responsible for what happened as well. However we did the best we could. What I came here to talk about was what happened with Kaiden Alenko."

She looked up at me before looking back down. "I... It hurt. A lot, I won't lie. But I have to get over it. I've already spent way too much time sulking over it, especially if you where worried enough to come check on me." She looks up and smiles at me, and I can tell it's genuine, though also somewhat forced. "Alright. Thank you, Garrus. You don't have to worry anymore. Back to the task at hand." She stands and straightens herself up, headed for the door. I stand and follow after her, frowning a bit. _'At least this is progress. I'll take what I can get for now, Shepard, but I'm going to keep an eye on you.'_ We part ways at the CIC as I head down to the crew's quarters with my thoughts.

 **Shepard's POV**

I head over to Kelly to check if there's anything I should be aware of. She informs me of a new message. I check it on the nearby computer, another message from the Illusive Man. I suppress a sigh at his feigned sympathy, biting back the urge to ignore him completely or do something more drastic. I type a quick response and look around the deck before heading over to the elevator to go to the crew's quarters, headed for the mess hall and some fresh coffee.

Once I had gotten my cup, I sat at the nearby table, cup in one hand as I scan over a holo-tab with more profile information. I didn't retain much, something about a Drell assassin... For the most part, I stared into my coffee. That is, until Garrus came over and leaned against the table. "Commander, something bothering you? You seem out of it."

I shake my head, looking up at him. "I just... Just trying to wake up. It's been a rough few days." He chuckled and nodded. "I know what you mean. You know where I am if you need me." I nod and he heads off a little, though not back to the gunnery. I can feel his gaze on me every so often, but when I look up, he's looking elsewhere. I frown a bit to myself, but I can't say I blame him. I quickly finish my coffee and head back up to the CIC to get to the next mission location.

========================= -A few missions later- ========================

I make my rounds In order to check on everyone after the mission. I stop in and visit with Garrus last, feeling like he has something to say. I stand in front of the gunnery doors waiting briefly as they open. When they do, Garrus turns to see me walk in. "Shepard. You almost took a bullet on that last mission. I'm really quite concerned. You've been quite reckless on the last few missions. And you know-" I cut him off before his rant gets out of hand. "Are you telling me how I should operate, Garrus? I've done this for quite a while, you know. I know how to handle myself." I snap. "Like you have room to talk, anyway, _Archangel_."

He holds his hands out in front of him defensively. "No, I think you misunderstood. I'm just merely concerned. You seem to be acting recklessly, and that's dangerous for everyone, especially you." He moves closer, reaching out for me. I let him grab ahold of my upper arms, and look up at him slightly. "I know what happened with Kaiden hurt you, but there are others who care about you, Shepard. Like me. I just..." He drops his arms and shakes his head, eyes closed.

"Garrus... I... Are you admitting you have a crush on me?" I ask, half playfully, but honestly curious. He looks at me sheepishly. "I am. Mind you, I know you still have feelings for Alenko. And I don't exactly know how..." He gestures between himself and I. " _This_ would work. But... I could do some research and... We could try a date... If you're interested, that is." I smile genuinely at him. "I've never seen you so flustered, Garrus. And yeah, I think I'd like that."

He chuckles. "Good. And you can't blame me for being nervous. It's not every day that something like this happens, and besides, I've seen how well you handle a gun." I can't help but laugh. "Alright, well, I should head to my cabin, try to get some sleep." He nods. "See you later Garrus." I say, turning to the door. "Goodnight, Shepard."


End file.
